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  • Matt Pipes

Pale Swallowwort: Tending To The Garden That Is Me

Something that's been on my mind lately, or has been for quite some time, is intentionality. It's really this everlasting voice in my head, one that doesn't go away and does not want to sit quietly by as I work on anything. It could be looked at as a nuisance but it's always a positive gentle reminder to the work that I'm implementing, but it subtly treads closer. Gently. Like the tide coming in, and if you don't move your stuff it's gonna get everything wet.

I've been reimplementing a lot of the tools that have helped me out in the past, meditation, a consistent gym schedule, creating systems, and I've been noticing positive results. I've been able to get consistent work done, I've been able to make 6 YouTube videos in 6 weeks all while working at my job, posting regularly on Insta, and these blogs as well. I'm definitely looking for different areas to explore my art, my craft, and it's been an incredibly enlightening process. That one thing that keeps popping up though is intentionality.

I'm changing drastically as a person, and keeping up with that means changes need to occur, but where to start, how best do I go about change. It's such a scary thing to do especially when you might be letting some people down. There's just something that isn't meshing though, and it's been creeping it's way into my heart, not like the gentle wave of intentionality, but more like an evasive species. Wrapping itself around me and strangling the breathe I thought I had an abundance of. It seemed harmless at the time, but it's continuing to fester, like a dirty closet where I'm keeping things I'll matter of factly have to throw out the next time I clean.

I'm currently in a safe space to make these changes, so I need to take advantage soon. I need to build the little cocoon of development around me now so that when I step in, I'm already surrounded by exactly what I need. I think there's a pretty good idea in what I'll become, I won't know all the details but I have some clues. In time I hope that my new tools will help me with the weeding, and planting of a new garden. They aren't tools that you can buy sadly, there is no quick way of dealing with this, but they are tools that are free, they require time spent towards developing the knowledge.

I know what needs to be done because my values are well spoken. It's apart of my everyday journaling, and if something doesn't sit with my values, then it goes through another organization process of; 1.) Can I change that thing, 2.) Can I change my Mindset around it? If no to either of those things, then if I have the privilege to step away, I should. There is a greater step into the right direction especially with what makes you happy, with something that you enjoy. So that's exactly the step that I'm going to take. I begin to develop the systems needed to step into the right directions. I have the tools, now I get the opportunity to execute.



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